Neville Longbottom and the Interesting Title
by Zivlok
Summary: The heroic story of Neville Longbottom during the timeline of Deathly Hallows. Neville must take charge of the DA while Harry is off hunting horcri, and he encounters Death Eaters, corruption, hardship, and maybe even love. Maybe.
1. SkeleGrow

_Well, I always _did _wonder what would happen if you fed a Venomous Tentacula Skele-Grow…_ thought Neville Longbottom grimly as he dodged yet another vine. Neville dropped to the ground and rolled to escape the next dark red shoot. Working his way around the greenhouse, Neville, jumped, dove, leapt, rolled, crawled, and in one particularly harrowing instance, flew, looking for a weak spot. As a summer job he went around doing odd Herbology jobs. The man whose greenhouse Neville was currently fighting for his life in had ordered a crate of muggle "pesto-sides." However, it seemed that some of the pesto-sides had been replaced by some anti-muggle pranksters with powdered Skele-Grow. _At least a wizard was at the end of this prank – if a muggle had gotten a hold of this, many could have been hurt._

"Diffindo!" Neville cried, and one of the dark red arms fell, severed from the rest of the large plant. However, the Skele-Grow seemed to still be in effect, and a new vine was starting to grow. Worst of all, this wasn't just an abnormally large plant with spiky tentacles that had a penchant for snaring humans: this was an abnormally large plant with spiky tentacles that had a penchant for snaring humans whose tentacles had also become as hard and sturdy as bone, yet remaining as flexible as a vine. As Neville leapt over one vine, another caught him in the back. Neville went sprawling on the ground. He rolled over to dodge another vine, and cried out in pain. The vine that had knocked him to the ground had torn through his clothes and opened up small lacerations on Neville's back. And the pesto-sides were getting into his cuts, making them burn fiercely.

"Diffindo!" shouted Neville. "Diffindo! Diffindo!" Vines fell off, but new ones quickly replaced them. However, Neville had been able to clear away enough arms to glimpse the center, the "heart" of the thing. The huge mouth was open wide, readying itself to be fed, but also presenting itself as an open target. Neville dove forward as vine crunched into the ground behind him, and somersaulted left. He jumped up and ran along a vine before diving back down to the ground. Another vine had attempted to get Neville off of the tentacle he had been on, and now that he was off, the two appendages mixed with each other, searching for Neville, and ended up in a very tight knot. Neville then dove beneath the two now ineffectual vines and caught his breath.

Once his breath was successfully caught, Neville scurried back into the action. He worked his way through a tangle of spiky vines, finally reaching the "body" of the Venomous Tentacula. The Venomous Tentacula was really a mouth with tentacles, but it had a base from which the tentacles sprouted. Neville was currently crouched next to it, and was trying to get close enough to the mouth. He had decided that he would burn the monster, and extinguish the flames as soon as it was dead. Neville easily could have burnt one of the limbs and let the fire spread to the heart, but he would have risked setting the whole greenhouse on fire. He had to find away of setting the heart on fire – without getting eaten in the process. In fact, not getting eaten was one Neville's goals in life. Neville watched as the vines whipped around the greenhouses, picking things up, and throwing them, sometimes brining those objects to its horrible gaping maw. As Neville watched the horrible process, a crazy, insane idea popped into his mind. Heck, one might even call it a Luna idea.

As soon as Neville thought this, he was sorry, and felt ashamed. Luna was one of the strongest friends he had ever had. She had been the only non-Gryffindor to go to the Ministry, she was smart, and her loyalty was amazing considering she was a Ravenclaw. Nevertheless, the plan Neville was concocting _was_ something that Luna would have thought up. Neville waited till a vine got close, and yelled, "Diffindo!" He grabbed the large dark red tentacle that fell to the ground, and picked it up, albeit with some difficulty. He then cast a minor Bubble-Body Charm on himself. It was a spell they had learned the year previously, and Professor Flitwick had said that he was quite prodigious at it. Neville swelled slightly, appearing to have gained about fifty pounds in the past 15 seconds. Neville grimace as his clothes became too tight for him, and his belt buckles were digging into his skin. He had no time to take of his belt, and did his best to ignore the pain. Then, Neville enacted the crazy, insane, Luna-tic part of his plan: he stood still. He gripped the severed vine tightly and waited for himself to be captured by the Venomous Tentacula. However, things did not go exactly as planned.

Instead of being picked up by a vine, he was accidentally knocked over by one. The plant now sensed his presence, but Neville was in a more compromising situation. He scrambled to get up right, but now the plant's tentacles were sweeping all over the area. One quickly found his leg, and Neville found himself hoisted in the air, upside-down. Neville held on tightly to the severed vine, but he was consequently gripping his wand so hard he feared it would snap. The plant was now drawing the only son of Frank and Augusta Longbottom closer to its horrible mouth. Neville desperately tried to point his wand at himself, and keep a grip on the vine, but since he was upside down he could not balance the vine with his knees or any other appendages, and he lost his grip on both of the items he was holding. He frantically grabbed for them, but was only able to grab the severed vine. Despite himself, Neville couldn't help feel relieved that his wand, _his_ wand was safe, well, safer, on the ground. It was too small and thin for the vines to pay it an attention, nonetheless even pick it up.

Neville's relief disappeared faster than Ronald Weasley when Lavender Brown entered a room when he realized that even though he didn't have his wand, well, he didn't have his wand. Neville panicked and tried to get loose, but he was held tightly. He was just about to give up hope when he felt a strange sensation. It was as if all of his clothes were growing bigger. Either that or…

Had he been able to, Neville would have jubilantly jumped in joy. The Bubble-Body Charm was wearing off, and Neville was literally breathing easier. Neville started to slip downwards as the confused plant tried to tighten its grip, but to no avail, for Neville had come prepared. As he fell downwards, Neville stretched his hands up towards his feet while still holding the severed vine. The plant tightened around the vaguely Neville-shaped chunk of flora, as Neville slipped through the Venomous Tentacula's grasp completely. Neville tucked himself into a ball, and hit the ground with a thud. The wind was knocked out of him, but he was fine. Neville rolled over into a less compromising position, and was delighted to find he had fallen quite close to his wand. Neville dove forward, scrabbled on the ground for it, picked it up, and turned back towards the Tentacula, wand at the ready. The Venomous Tentacula was about to eat the plant facsimile of Neville, and the real Neville knew that now was his only chance. Taking a few precious seconds to check his aim (a miss-fire now would be disastrous), Neville bellowed "INCENDIO!" A jet of red light zoomed towards the chunk of tentacle the plant was now lowering into its terrible gaping maw, and the severed vine burst into flames, just as it was tossed into the plant's mouth.

At first, nothing happened. Then Neville heard what could only be described as a scream, though he knew it was impossible. This was a Venomous Tentacula, not a Mandrake. Nevertheless, a thin piercing wail emanated throughout the greenhouse, as smoke erupted from the heart of the plant. The vines began to thrash all around the greenhouse, and Neville made for the door, dodging the death spasms of the dying plant. Neville made it to the door, and scrabbled with the handle, finally getting it open after a few extremely tense seconds. Neville dove outside, and slammed the door shut. He caught his breath, and winced as he heard the tinkle of breaking glass. Apparently, the plant was now completely out of control, but this also meant that it would cease moving very soon. Neville was just contemplating how the owner would react when he saw what had become of his greenhouse, when silence hit Neville's ears, more powerful than any noise he had ever heard before.

Neville cautiously opened the door, and peered inside. Dark red vines were sprawled all over the greenhouse, but they were motionless. Neville could smell smoke, but most of it had wafted out through the broken panes in the roof. Just to be sure, Neville crept closer towards the heart of the plant. The mouth was slightly ajar, and Neville gently closed it. It was trying to kill him, but he knew that the plant was probably under excruciating pain itself. Neville had heard that re-growing bones was a painful process, but he was sure that growing them where they shouldn't even been was even more painful.

There was still a small fire smoldering in the plants heart, and Neville quietly murmured, "Aguamenti." A stream of water spouted out of his wand, quickly extinguishing the fire. Neville solemnly walked out of the greenhouse, and into the house of the daft wizard who had ordered "pesto-sides." At the thought of the strange powder, Neville's back started to ache, but he could get healed later. He felt he thoroughly deserved his full pay this time, just as the wizard who was now calmly sipping tea in the dining room thoroughly deserved to be notified to the Department for the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts. As far as Neville was concerned, any use of the pesto-sides was a misuse. He didn't even know what they were for, but anything that stung that bad was probably bad news.

Neville collected his pay and flooed to Diagon Alley, where he deposited his meager amount of money in his personal vault, and walked over to St. Mungo's, where he would get a Healer to look at his back.

Neville staggered into his grandmother's house late that night. The Healer that had checked him over had no experience with Muggles at all, and Neville had to wait for a savvier Healer to help him. Neville greeted his grandmother, who wished he was earning his wages through means more befitting the legacy of his parents, but was nevertheless glad he _was_ earning some money. Neville flopped onto his bed, exhausted. He would need all the rest he could get, because tomorrow was the big day: his Apparition Test. Neville quickly fell into a blissfully dreamless sleep, and woke up remembering what he had last thought: _I should totally tell Luna about this_.


	2. Alarm Clock

Despite himself, Neville was wide awake. It was only a few hours before his Apparation Test, but he couldn't sleep. He couldn't help it; he was thinking of… _her_. Though he didn't always know it, his life had been dedicated to her. He… he loved her, he knew that to be true. Yet there was no way she could ever know that. All of the brave deeds and accomplishments of the previous two years had been for her, and she would never know.

Of course, it wasn't just her; it was Neville's father as well. Everything he did was for his parents, for their memory, and for the love he felt for them, but never got to feel from them. Sometimes Neville almost wished they were dead – the pain of having his own parents never recognize him was sometimes too great. The first time his Grandmother had taken him to see his parents, he had a wonderful time, talking to them and laughing as they gave him candy wrappers.

He did not understand why his granny looked so sad as she pulled him away until his second visit, only two weeks later. After a minute, he fled out of the room crying because neither one recognized him.

Neville sighed and turned over on his side, trying to get into a more comfortable position. It was imperative that he got enough sleep so that he would be relaxed and refreshed for tomorrow's test.

Fifteen minutes past, and he was still awake. Neville decided that he might as well review – that more often than not sent him to sleep. _Lesse here… what did that old guy say? There are four… or was it three? I think it was three. There are three F's, no, D's in Apparation._

_And they are… um… destination, deconstruction, and desolation. No…_

Starting to panic, Neville ran through his head all the long words beginning with "D" that he knew. _Devotion, determination, and decoration. Nope. Hmmm…. Detection, division, and deliberation. Errr… Destruction, defamation, degradation._

Neville smirked at this. _That sounds more like the three D's of being a Death Eater to me._ They had destroyed his parent's minds, defamed his family's name, and degraded his life. He lived with his grandmother for Merlin's sake! He was _seventeen years old_ and he was livi-

With a jolt of surprise, Neville realized that he _was_ seventeen, and had been for a few hours. He was finally of age! He was now a full-grown wizard. However, this did not make Neville entirely happy. He groaned at the thought of much more his grandmother would expect of him. He could already imagine her lecture – "You're of age now, just like your parents were once, and you really need to stop this silly nonsense with plants!"

Neville had no watch, and thus had no way of telling time. He didn't have a clock because the last one's incessant ticking drove Trevor mad. He vaguely wondered if his grandmother had gotten him a watch for his birthday as he finally drifted off to sleep, the three D's totally forgotten.

_**RING!**_

_**RING!**_

Neville woke up to confused clatter of cacophony. After a few moments he realized what it was - his alarm clock had gone off. Neville sleepily reached and grabbed the alarm clock so he could turn it off. The clock had been a gift for him from-

The last thing Neville thought as he felt an uncomfortable tug from his midsection was _I don't have an alarm clock! _


	3. Wand

Neville Longbottom was no stranger to portkeys. For the past month, he had taken the 6 o'clock muddy bowler hat from Buckleshire Fields to the London, from whence he went to work. He often arrived home via floo, seeing as his job took him all over the place, but he enjoyed the solitary walk to the stained hat each morning. It gave him time to think.

Neville most certainly did not have time to think n this occasion however. With a thud, he hit the ground, and the alarm clock went tumbling out of his hand, whereupon it exploded as soon as it touched the soil. Neville raised his arms to shield himself from the blast, but there was no heat.

Neville had never known a portkey to explode. Well, he had heard tales about the time a goat ate an otherwise inconspicuous tin can, and apparently caused _quite_ the stir at the wedding of a certain high society couple. But that was different. Neville tried to look around him, but found that impossible as soon as he saw the large purple numbers glowing in the air. It was a two and a zero, but then it became a one and a nine, and then the nine became an eight and then…

Neville gulped and steeled himself for whatever would happen next, and he instinctively reached for his wand, but found it missing. He had of course not gone to bed with it, and the only things he had brought with him were his bedclothes and an exploding clock. Neville began to suspect the work of Fred and George Weasley, the infamous Hogwarts tricksters. Making mundane objects explode was a specialty of theirs.

One of their many specialties, really… But who would have put a Weasley Wizarding Wheezes product in his room while he was sleeping? His grandmother certainly wouldn't hold up with such rubbish, as she had said whenever seeing an advertisement for their products. As Neville tore his eyes from the numbers one and three, he decided that the feeling was too threatening and ominous to be a Weasley joke – the walls in his small cube of space were high and appeared to be constructed from solid earth, yet they seemed as steady as the walls of Hogwarts castle. And over to his left, Neville could see a tall, large expanse of shiny black glass that dominated the landscape through sheer vertical size, while taking up very little actual room.

At least, that was as far as Neville could tell. He had no idea what lay in store for him as the purple number one vanished and the wall in front of him slowly sank into the ground, with the sound of what Neville could swear was clockwork. Neville didn't know what to expect, but he certainly hadn't expected to see a wand floating, suspended in mid-air. It looked an awful lot like his wand, and Neville walked up to it, his arm outstretched, his heart pounding. And as soon as he grabbed the wand, he knew – this was not his wand. Neville was disappointed, but not overly surprised.

Neville took stock of his surroundings, and the first thing he noticed was the large tower a couple hundred yards in front of him, with a large blue sphere surrounding the top. As Neville looked closer, he saw that there was a yellow orb inside the blue one, and quickly concluded that the blue sphere was, in fact, the Shield Charm. There was a straight and fairly narrow path leading to the tower right in front of Neville. To Neville's right was another path that twisted and turned and quickly veered out of sight. Neville was not short – he never had been, though most of his childhood he had been a bit on the pudgy side. Still, he could not see over the walls.

He decided to not look a gift horse in the mouth and quickly but cautiously walked down the path that led to the tower. He turned around instinctively after walking about twenty yards, but was surprised to find that the entrance to the path was still there. No wall had sprung up to block his passage, and it seemed that Neville could come and go as he pleased. After a minute's time of brisk walking, still nothing had happened. He had passed some very informational signs, however, all of which instructed him to destroy the Sun Bead – Neville took this to mean the yellow orb the approximate size of a quaffle that was suspended above the tower.

Suddenly, there was a great shaking in the ground, and Neville was instantly relieved. The tension of waiting for something to attack him was almost unbearable, and it felt almost freeing to be facing whom or whatever had brought him here. Yet again, he had no idea what to expect, and yet again, he was surprised and somewhat perplexed.

Neville thought to himself, _Now why is there a giant dandelion in front of me?_ It had appeared with the rumbling and the shaking of the Earth, but what it was exactly perplexed Neville. It did not look like any magical plant he new of, just a very large dandelion. Neville's first instinct was to conjure up some paper and take a few notes, maybe a quick sketch.

However, the gravity of the situation weighed down upon him, and Neville decided to weed first, ask questions later. He backed up, raised his wand, and cried "_Diffindo!_" Neville had no time to congratulate himself because the severed head of the dandelion was now falling right on top of him. He dove to the side, and crashed into the wall. He slumped to the ground as the head of the dandelion hit the ground. Neville groaned, but not entirely because his side hurt from hitting the wall. The ground was still shaking, and great thorny limbs appeared to be growing in front of his eyes. Soon a great thorny headless monster was in front of Neville, turning this way and that. And with two resounding pops, Neville's fears were confirmed.

The beast had regained its dandelion head, but now it had two. And they had fangs and eyes, and were peering angrily at Neville. _How could I have been so stupid?_ thought Neville. It was a Hydrandelion, native to the coastal region of the Aegean Sea, rare, and deadly. Neville shakily got up, and stared directly at the two-headed flower. It glared back at him. Neither moved, each sizing up their opponent. Neville slightly adjusted the grip on his wand, and the four-legged Hydrandelion stomped its feet a bit, shifting its weight. Suddenly, Neville leapt forward and to the right, and pushed back from the wall. The monster snapped for him, but Neville was moving to quickly. The quick redirect confused the monster enough to give Neville the time he needed to sever both heads.

The Hydrandelion shook its body in rage, and soon four dandelions were leering at Neville, who sidled along the left wall. He feinted left and dove right. Again, the Hydrandelion fell for Neville's dodge, and again Neville decapitated the deadly plant. While it was growing eight new heads, Neville ran between the beast's legs, and severed each of them. He had a plan in mind, and immobilizing the plant was important, if not necessarily vital. He had mostly severed the legs just to see what would happen. Neville ran out from under the falling plant, and fell to the ground. He quickly turned right side up, and propped himself up on his elbows, gasping for breath, and waiting to see what would happen.

The Hydrandelion had successfully grown eight heads, which turned on long stalks to leer at him. Neville scrambled backward as the eight heads lunged for him, and grinned as they gnashed their teeth feet away from his face, but unable to get him. However, he did not sever the stalks yet. It seemed to be a lull in the battle, and Neville was not one to waste the opportunity to discover new information about a rare plant species. He peered curiously at the body of the beast, which was still immobile. Neville was vaguely disappointed. _I guess the regenerative powers only apply to the heads._

Suddenly, the earth shook and the Hydrandelion raised itself up on new legs. Neville could see that there was something different about the legs, but had no time to inspect them as the eight dandelions lunged again, this time nearly catching him. This time, Neville stood stalk still as the heads regrouped and prepared to lung again. As they did, Neville dove straight forward, and rolled back under the body of the Hydrandelion. In front of him was a pile of giant severed dandelions. The same could be said about his right. Behind him were eight angry, confused, and very much alive dandelions. He ran to his left between two legs, but before he could reach the wall, he cried out in pain.

Neville turned around and found himself staring into the eyes of a giant dandelion. For a moment, neither moved. Then the plant bared its teeth and Neville yelled "_STUPEFY!_" He did not know what effect it would have on the plant, but he was not able to use the Severing Charm with the large circular head in the way of the relatively thin neck. The bolt of red slammed into the dandelion, knocking the head back and leaving it looking very dazed, before closing its eyes and slumping to the ground. Neville had now time to celebrate his victory, though, because there were suddenly four vicious dandelions to the left of him, and to the right - one, two, three… four? _Where did that ninth one come from?_ he wondered, and then it clicked. He had been bitten by one of the legs. Neville cursed himself for his stupidity. It was a large plant, but it wasn't very smart, so it made sense that it new only one trick – regenerate a head, even if the part that was cut off was not a head.

Neville had no time to postulate theories, however, because the eight heads were converging upon him. Neville backed up until he could feel behind him. The dandelions snaked closer on their long stalks, while Neville slowly sidled along the wall. He just needed to get the right angle… _A little closer… a little more… _

"_Diffindo! Diffindo! DIFFINDO!_" Dandelion heads were raining around him, and Neville took his only option and ran back under the Hydrandelion's body, vaulting over the unconscious leg. The bottom of one of the legs lifted itself from the ground and glowered at Neville, who noticed that as this happened, the Hydrandelion shook a bit and tried to balance itself. _Even though they're heads… they're still supposed to function like feet!_ Neville realized. _But they don't know how to act like feet – only like the heads of a vicious monster… Which means if I can just get all the "feet" to look at me…_ Neville quickly ran to the middle of the Hydrandelion. The head that had already unearthed itself slowly moved closer, and the head that had bitten Neville started to stir. However, the two other heads remained implanted in the soil and non-moving.

Feeling foolish, Neville cupped his hands around his mouth, and yelled, "Oy! Over here!" That turned out to be a bad idea, because the sudden shout completely woke up the dandelion that had bitten him. Now two "feet" were lifted from the ground, but Neville would need all four. He wasn't being a big enough distraction. Suddenly, a memory forced its way into his head. It was of the Yule Ball during Neville's fourth year at Hogwarts. He had gone with Ginny Weasley, and had spent the weeks leading up to the Ball practicing his ballroom dancing. He was glad he had taken the time to practice, because Ginny was just as good as he was. When he commented on this, Ginny told him that a group of third year girls who were going to the Ball had gotten together in an unused classroom Wednesdays during lunch to practice. According to Ginny, a Ravenclaw girl named Luna Lovegood showed up as well, even though she was not attending the Yule Ball. This girl never could get the steps right, but that was because she was always in the middle of the room, spinning around in a slow circle, waving her hands above her head, with a serene smile on her face. Everyone called her "Loony" Lovegood, and from Ginny's description, Neville could see why. Over the past two years, however, he had gotten to know Luna a lot better…

And this gave Neville an idea. The Hydrandelion didn't appear to have ears, though it could probably sense the vibrations of Neville's voice. However, the "feet" still stuck in the ground probably couldn't hear his yelling. So, feeling even more foolish than before, Neville started to dance around in a tight circle, making sure to stomp a lot, and waved his hands above his head, moving them sporadically. There was a rumble from one of the feet, and soon another angry dandelion was looking at Neville. Neville now began to dancer faster, and began to move a little bit with each step. Hydrandelion heads blocked off each path from between the monster's legs except one – the one leading directly to the tower. Neville watched the final leg, and as soon as he saw a glimpse of yellow peeking out from the bottom of the leg, Neville dove out from under the Hydrandelion. He skidded to a stop and turned around just in time to see the thorny body fall upon it's confused legs.

Neville winced at the sound that the smooshed heads made, but he hardly noticed when he looked at what was protruding from the _top_ of the Hydrandelion's body. _Idiot!_ he cursed to himself. _How did you forget those ones?_ Neville had spent so much time dealing with the heads on the legs, he had completely forgotten about the heads on the necks. While Neville was under the body, he had been relatively safe – the body was already too unstable and there were too many necks for them to reach him under there. And for a simple minded plant like that, confusion breeds violence, and the heads had started to attack one another, beating and snapping at each other. Neville suspected that more damage was done by beating their large heavy heads against each other, than by their jaws, which didn't protrude very far.

Neville had expected to be facing eighteen – a quick count revealed there to be roughly thirty. "_Diffindo!_" he cried, and three stalks lost their flowers. That got the attention of the beast. All thirty or so heads lunged for Neville, and quickly banged into each other and caused a bit of a mess. The Hydrandelion was unable to move, seeing as its legs were crushed beneath its own weight, and each of its heads were so large and bulbous that a mass attack was not going to work.

During the confusion, Neville ran around from side to side, severing here, lopping off there, trying to keep it confused and not sure of where the attack was coming from. But moments after he severed a few heads, more and more appeared. Neville smiled, his plan was working. After a few more minutes of dodging and cutting, Neville stopped, and ran backwards a few feet, and took a moment to survey his handiwork. The Hydrandelion was brimming with stalks and angry yellow heads, but unable to move, not just because its legs were crushed beneath it, but also because of the pile of severed heads surrounding it. Neville took a mental snapshot of this image before pointing his wand directly at the Hydrandelion and shouting "_INCENDIO!_"

The first wall of heads instantly caught on fire, and quickly spread to all four piles of heads – after all, vicious monster or not, it was still a plant, and a highly flammable one at that. The heads still attached began looking around in confusion and then fear. Once the fire latched onto the beast itself, it began lashing around – every neck for itself. Neville had expected this, but not in such great volume. The walls began to crack under the pressure of repeated frenzied whacks. Some of the more level-headed stalks attacked the others in an attempt to keep down the population, and hopefully, control the fire. But of course, new heads kept popping up, and the intense heat and pressure caused by the fire sent them shooting off as soon as they appeared. Neville was now dodging flying flaming flowers as he ran for the tower. He had originally planned to lock himself inside, but some of the flying heads were starting to hit the tower, which didn't look very architecturally sound.

For the first time, Neville looked up to the sky, and was surprised to find instead a ceiling. An extremely high ceiling, yes, but a dull grey ceiling nonetheless. And Neville could swear he could make out a few pipes and bends and knobs and such up there. The walls were now falling in towards each other, and the heads were flying farther and farther. Neville aimed his wand at the ceiling and cried, "_Relashio!_" A length of rope appeared from his wand and kept going and going and going – until it hit a sturdy-looking pipe on the ceiling and coiled around it. Neville put his wand gently between his teeth, and began to climb.

He shimmied and pulled his way up the rope, keeping his eyes on the Sun Bead. After a minute he glanced down and was glad he had, for a head had just crashed into the rope. Neville was high up enough that he wasn't shaken very much, but the bottom of the rope was now on fire. Neville cursed, and climbed as fast as he could, but the fire was racing up the rope. "_Aguamenti!_" he cried, but in his panic forgot to take his wand out of his mouth, and now it was falling and spurting water…

Neville swore again, gritted his teeth, and slid down the rope, trying hard to ignore the pain his hand as the rope cut it. Neville reached out with his free hand and just grabbed the wand before jumping from the rope. As he jumped, fire took over the spot where he had just been. As he fell, Neville shouted, "_Diffindo!_' a bit above where the fire was. Most of the burning, smoking coil fell to the ground, leaving a modest length hanging from the ceiling. Neville turned to face downwards to see where he would land, and was pleased to see he was about to land on one of the few still-living Hydrandelion heads. Neville turned his body so he was closer to being perpendicular to the ground, hit the head with his hands and spring-boarded forward. Neville hit the ground running, and streaked along the passageway as the walls closed in around him. Neville then dove to safety as the walls completely crashed down, burying the Hydrandelion and smothering the fire.

Neville gasped for breath and looked around to see where he was. He groaned. He was right back where he started. Neville shook his head as he walked down the twisting path to the left – it just seemed like a colossal waste of time. As he walked, Neville took the time to wonder why he was there. Was someone trying to kill him? If so, why use a giant plant? If someone was trying to kill him, they obviously didn't know him very well. And why go to the trouble of constructing this whole thing? And what was with the Sun Bead?

The bite Neville received from the Hydrandelion was starting to burn, but Neville had never been able to remember and healing charms. He was now pretty good at charms, but he had never been able to get the hang of the healing ones. The bite wasn't that big anyway – he wasn't bleeding freely or anything. But it was a surprisingly deep puncture wound for a flower. Neville was so deep in thought and pain that when he ran into a wall he kept walking forward for a couple steps before coming to his senses and stopping.

Neville looked around, and found that he was in a dead end. He turned back onto the main winding path only to find that there were many winding paths, criss-crossing each other. On either side of the maze were large gently curving walls that turned in and out with a gentle rhythm. If one looked at the walls from the right angle, they almost looked like waves…

Neville realized that he had no idea where he was. He couldn't see the tower, he couldn't see the entrance, and he couldn't see any exit. However, he could make out the top of that large expanse of black glass… Using that as a reference, Neville slowly but surely navigated his way back to the entrance to the maze. He then began the maze again, but this time paying very careful attention to where he was going. He was concentrating so much on the maze that he stopped noticing the pain in his back – he also didn't notice that water until the legs of his bedclothes started sticking to his skin.

Neville jumped in surprise. There was water up to the bottom of his thighs, and more was coming in – from where he wasn't sure. Neville kept padding along, his bare feet slipping once or twice on the slippery ground. On the path with the Hydrandelion, the ground had been partially compacted soil. However, here it was sheets of rock. Nothing jutted out, so it was comfortable to walk upon, but Neville soon found his pace slowing immensely as he had to be more and more careful. When the water was at his calves, he slipped and fell all the way in, barely missing conking his head on the rock. Neville came up, sopping wet and sputtering. He knew a couple drying charms, but none he wished to attempt while standing nearly waist-deep in water. However, something caught his eye that made him forget his current water woes – a wall. It was about a hundred yards in front of him, and unlike the walls on the side, it was perfectly straight. It reached from one curving wall to another – no, wait. Neville looked closer, and he could see a gap in the wall. _An exit!_ rejoiced Neville, as he ran towards the gap – promptly falling into the water again. By now the water was at waist height, and Neville had to settle for quick wading. The individual smaller walls of the maze were too close together to merit swimming, so Neville forged onwards as the water level increased.

By the time the water was hitting his chest, Neville was getting worried. He wasn't short, but he wasn't exceptionally tall, and he was still about fifty yards from the exit. Also, the maze was becoming more and more difficult. Just a minute before he had made it as close as twenty yards away from the exit before hitting a dead end. Neville now tried a few kicks to give himself some extra push, and ignored the scratches he received from the walls. Soon, he was only thirty yards away, but the water was hitting just below his chin. Neville knew he wasn't going to be able to make it time, so he fell to his last resort.

Aiming his wand at his head, Neville closed his eyes, and practiced the wand movements. _I know I can do this. I've done it before. Professor Flitwick says it was the best one he'd seen in years. Of course, he says that about most everything to about most everybody…_ Neville could feel the water at his chin, and it was inching towards his mouth… Neville started to shout an incantation, but water rushed in, and he floundered, choking on the water. He struggled and managed to bring his head above the water, gasping for breath. Neville started to tread water in desperation, but spray hit him in the face, and he didn't dare try to speak another spell in fear of choking again.

_Wait a second_, thought Neville, _I don't have to _speak _another spell, but what if I…?_ Neville closed his eyes shut, pointed his wand at his head again, and started to think the incantation he wanted. Nothing happened, but he didn't expect it to work the first time. The water covered the top of his head, but Neville continued running the incantation through his head.

His head started to feel light, and his brain started going fuzzy… his arm slipped away from next to his head, and Neville felt himself being dragged down, his clothes stifling close, strangling him, and his head feeling light…

Too light, in fact. And his head also felt… bigger? Neville's brain continued to work, and he regained control of his muscles. Neville's head was growing bigger, and bigger, and Neville was finding it easier and easier to function. While he had been struggling with the spell, the water had pulled Neville along. When Neville's head broke free from the water, two things happened - firstly, Neville was overjoyed to see the exit, no more than ten yards in front of him. The exit was raised off the ground, and some water was spilling over it, but not a lot. The second thing that happened was that Neville got stuck.

He tried to move towards the exit, but felt something holding him back. He tried to turn around to face whatever was grabbing him, but was again unable to do so. With a jolt Neville realized what had happened – his head, increased in size through the successful application of the Bubble-Head Charm, was wedged between the walls of the maze. Neville tried to push his way forward, but all he accomplished was receiving a few very hard to explain bruises on his cheeks. The water had risen to cover his head again. Neville could breath, but the charm wouldn't last forever, and Neville had places to go (anywhere but here) and things to do (like not drown).

With a shock of memory Neville remembered that her really _did_ have things to do – his Apparation test was today! Neville had no idea what the time was – he wasn't even sure how long he had been in this place. If only he could remove the charm, he could probably swim right through the exit.

_Wait a second… I _can_ end the charm! What was that spell again? Finus Invokio? I think it was… Fulvus Invokio! Fulvus Invokio! FULVUS INVOKIO! Oh, no, now I remember! FINITE INCANTATEM!_

Neville felt his head shrinking and becoming more compact. He was soon released from the wall, and he waded as fast as he could for the exit. There was a strange snapping noise behind him, and Neville spared a moment to look. What he saw made him increase his efforts, and he practically flew through the exit. Suddenly Neville _was_ flying, albeit in a decidedly downward direction. The last thing Nevile thought before he hit the ground with a resounding splat was _Now why was there a giant ground squirrel up there?_


	4. Mud

Neville would be the first to admit that he didn't know too much. In fact, he would volunteer this information when he was younger, hoping that the teachers would take pity on him. This often didn't work, and more than once it had earned him a stern but kindly lecture from Professor McGonagall about his self-worth, but it used to seem that that was all he could do.

However, if he did know something about a subject, he set out to find out everything he could about it. Obviously, the realm of knowledge he was most infatuated with dealt with plants. It had started with Herbology, a class that sparked his interest like no other. Desperate to know more, he quickly began learning about all types of plants, both magical and non-magical. He was surprised to find that many of the plants used in potions were simple non-magical flora. Neville found it bitterly ironic that he excelled in producing potions ingredients, but, in the words of one distressed tablemate – "utter bollocks" when it came to mixing them together in a big pot.

But even that wouldn't sate his thirst. He soon found himself spending every free hour reading, which didn't exactly help other people's views of him, but Neville was completely engrossed in a world that he not only understood, but could master. He soon studied everything that had to with plants – animals that ate plants, muggle uses of plants, the sun and water that fed plants, and most importantly, the soil that housed them.

One of the things about soil that fascinated Neville most was the same thing that fascinated all young children – when you mix it with water, it becomes mud. Neville relished the very idea of mud – how something so staunch, earthy, and rigid could be completely transformed by mere water into a substance that is flexible, moldable, and completely unique.

However, even with all this relevant knowledge, all Neville could concentrate on was that he was going to die very soon. For some reason, even though he was sopping wet, and there was water all around him, the solid soil below him seemed like an unavoidable end to his life. Maybe it was because he was hurtling through the air at high speeds towards that selfsame solid soil, in which case he can probably be forgiven.

But nevertheless, the very first thought that came to Neville's mind as he hit the ground with a resounding splat was not _Of course! The first equation all children learn – water plus dirt equals mud!_ It was not _I'm sure glad that all that water overflowed_, and it wasn't even _I wonder what all this soft brown stuff is?_ No, what Neville thought was _That's odd. I'm surprised I even heard the splat of my body. Heck, I'm surprised I'm still thinking this. And this. And this._

Neville's train of thought would have continued on like this for some time if the mud that had saved his life hadn't tried to end it. Neville was still a little confused from the jumble of senses that was the last few seconds, but he did know that something was covering him, making him unable to breathe. And Neville enjoyed breathing. A lot. He flailed about, all thoughts of magic erased as sheer primal terror washed over him, along with the mud. The brown gunk clogged his mouth and nose, and his clothes became fastened to him, squeezing out what little air he had left.

Suddenly, though, Neville had more air than he needed, as he found himself propelled through it. He somehow managed to tuck his body into a ball, protecting his wand, before slamming into back into the ground, and this time it was not nearly as forgiving. The impact forced the mud from his lungs, and he went sprawling, he wand skidding away. Neville lay where he was for a few moments, relishing the act of inhaling oxygen, and then quickly scrambled to his feet to retrieve his wand. Fortunately, it had not been harmed, outside of being covered in mud.

Neville tried to wipe his wand off on his shirt, but his clothes were so caked in mud that he thought he might have soiled his wand even more – if that was possible. Sighing, Neville struggled out of his shirts, and found that his capacity for movement had been greatly increased. Had he not turned around at that moment, Neville might have taken a moment to reflect on his physique, and how it had changed from a slightly pudgy and doughy appearances, to a well-toned set of muscles, his chest firm and his back tanned, from long hours spent hunched over a plot of soil with a trowel in one hand and a wand in another.

However, he did turn around, and he gulped at what he saw. The giant ground squirrel he had seen just before he fell had apparently taken the dive as well, and its entire lower body and tail was covered in mud. However, its head was relatively clean, and it peered around, angry and bewildered. It soon sighted Neville, whose bare torso was like a beacon in the field of browns and mute greens. The ground squirrel charged at Neville, who stood his ground, aimed his wand at the giant rodent, and cried, "Stupefy!"

With a blast of red light, Neville was hurled backwards, grimacing as he skidded across the dry grass. Dazed, he tried to stand up, but found that movement was almost impossible. He could move his head a bit, and sort of wiggle his fingers, but he was stuck, lying flat on his back. He realized that he had not actually cleaned his wand before defending himself, and that the spell must have rebounded off of the thick layer of mud surrounding the wand. Fortunately, the mud had all been blasted off, but as the bounding ground squirrel came into view, that fact was small comfort to Neville.

He blinked multiple times in an attempt to clear his head, and tried to move as many of his limbs as possible, but he couldn't even curl his fingers around his wand, much less aim it. The rodent was ground-shakingly close now, and Neville shut his eyes, expecting, not for the first time that morning, to die. He had had many opportunities in his life to die, and he couldn't help but feel a bit cheated that his death would ultimately be being crushed by an over-grown prairie dog. Neville spent what he believed would be his last moments alive coming up with a little backstory about how the monstrous vermin was somehow actually a Death Eater, so he would feel a little better about it.

Two minutes later, Neville was wiping rodent saliva off of his face with one hand, and holding onto the scruff of the animal's neck with the other, his wand tightly clenched between his teeth. As soon as he could actually open his eyes, he carefully transferred his wand to his left hand, and wrapped his legs around the ground squirrel's side. The animal had not been intent on killing him, but had merely been confused. In fact, Neville felt some strange affinity with the creature, as he zoomed along the outstretched plains. However, if he craned his neck, he could still see the ominous tower of onyx glass, reminding him that he was still trapped in this place.

Up ahead, a thin shimmering green wall appeared. Neville looked to see if there was a way around it, but it stretched on for as far as he could see. Also, while the rodent he was riding seemed friendly enough, Neville had no idea how he could maneuver it, and it seemed intent on relentlessly charging forward. At the last moment, he threw himself off of the ground squirrel, and watched in amazement as it disappeared. As soon as its head touched the translucent green wall, the entire beast vanished. Neville got to his feet and cautiously approached the wall, peering through it, hoping to see the ground squirrel on the other side, but while he could see some low hills beyond the wall, there was no sign of any animal life.

Neville stopped down and grabbed a handful of grass and soil, quickly fashioning it into a dirt clod. He then lobbed the clod towards the wall, and was surprised when it sailed through without being impeded at all. Inching towards it, Neville couldn't help but feel like he'd something like it before. He wasn't sure why, but the shimmering translucence of the wall seemed oddly familiar. Shakily, he reached out his left index finger, and cautiously poked the wall.

His finger met no resistance, and did not disappear, much to Neville's relief. He also realized that the wall was incredibly thin, and was more like a very rigid curtain or veil than a wall. Neville took a deep breath and steeled his resolve, and quickly walked into the wall, shutting his eyes as he did so. He kept walking a few paces and stopped, surprised that nothing had happened. Neville opened his eyes to find that the wall had entirely disappeared – before turning around and feeling quite stupid. The wall was still there, he had just walked right through it without noticing at all.

_But if nothing happened to me, what happened to the ground squirrel?_ thought Neville has he walked between rows of undulating hills. The hills had started out being nothing more than little patches of land that were bulging slightly, and even now they were barely 10 feet tall, but Neville felt apprehensive nonetheless, and quickly walked in between them. As he walked, he heard a faint rattling from either side, and he sped up his pace. The rattling increased in volume, and so did Neville's speed, as he sped on, keeping his head facing firmly forward. The hills were growing higher and higher, and also angling towards each other, creating a v-shape, and funneling Neville towards a small opening.

The rattling was now almost deafening, and Neville was now running towards the end of the hills. Light was streaming in from the narrowing gap between the two rows of hills, and the light was so bright that he couldn't see what was beyond the gap, but it had to be better than whatever was behind him. Neville chanced a glance behind him, and what he saw so startled him that he stumbled and fell down, landing on his back with his hands supporting himself, in a crabwalk-like fashion. An army the likes of which Neville had never seen was rushing towards him.

The army was surprising, not because of its size – there were at most twenty members – but because of what its constituents were. Giant radishes were chasing towards him, with hideous gaping maws filled with gnashing teeth. They ran on short little wooden stumps that had lots of tiny little holes in them, and waved large frilled metal disc-like hands together, producing the rattling sound that Neville had heard. The sight was so strange to Neville that he couldn't even get up. He scurried backwards with his hands and feet as the army of radishes came ever closer. They were just about to converge upon him when the ground dropped out from under him, and Neville was falling through a bright blinding light. He twisted around to see what had happened to the radishes, but he could not see out of the field of white he was falling through. However, a new sound had replaced the rattling, and before his body slammed into a finely woven Oriental carpet, Neville had time to wonder _Why are those radishes mooing?_

A/N: I'm so sorry about the long wait between chapters! The next one will come along a lot quicker, I promise. The next chapter is going to be a lot easier and a lot more fun for me to write. Also, as for the green wall and the radish monsters, with a bit of research you could probably figure it out, but all will be made crystal clear eventually. Oh, and we're about half-way done with this arc – I never intended for it to be this long, and I promise we'll get to the Apparation Test and Hogwarts soon enough! And yes, I intend to keep Neville shirtless for at least a couple more chapters.


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